“I was arrested for suspected rape in 1998. It was the girlfriend of my cousin’s brother, who had left for Johannesburg. She was living in my cousin’s house and now her boyfriend had gone my cousin wanted her to move out. But she was very angry and accused him of rape. When the police came, we were in the process of moving her out of the house. I was implicated in the rape and arrested as well.

“The case was postponed, but I spent 5 months in jail. It was here that the trouble began. I always felt cold and had a pain in my back. I asked my girlfriend to find a lawyer who could represent me and my cousin for R1000, R500 each, but my cousin didn’t have the money so we didn’t get a lawyer. In this time the girl disappeared so I asked my uncle to get the investigator to drop the charges.

“When I came out of jail, I still had back pain but I now also had a pain in my chest. I went to the doctor who referred me for an X-ray. It was at the hospital that they also tested me for HIV. A week later, I was told I was positive. I couldn’t believe it.

“The hospital asked me where I stayed, who my girlfriend was and where she worked. They also advised me to go to see a social worker for counselling. The social worker asked if I wanted to tell my girlfriend about my status, or if I would prefer they sent a letter. I asked for the letter. It arrived and invited her to go to the hospital but she was reluctant to go. I encouraged her and she agreed to go when she had time. She didn’t have time until she died.

“Not long after I was tested, my girlfriend became very sick. I tried to go to my girlfriend’s mother to help encourage my girlfriend to go for a test and get treatment, but she still refused. I think that she knew she had HIV. We argued whenever I tried to talk about it and she even threatened to burn me with scalding water! She had the symptoms and I noticed she’d started to have garlic at home. When I queried this, she said that people at work had told her it was good for her. She also went to private doctors rather than the Hospital or clinic where they would have tested and advised her about HIV. It wasn’t long before she died.

“After my diagnosis I was referred to the Wola Nani support group in Phillippi. At first I was afraid. There were only 2 men who went and often the other one did not show up as he was working on cars. But the sister from the clinic encouraged me to go and gradually I felt better and began to get comfort from the weekly meetings. I found the groups supportive and had the opportunity to train as a home carer.

“After a couple of years I built up enough confidence to disclose my status to my close family. They were supportive and understanding, agreeing to be discreet and not disclose to anyone else. I now talk openly about HIV amongst my friends and have tried to help those I can reach. But I don’t go to shebeens, and I think this is where people need to be informed and educated. Talking and support groups are good because they help people to accept their status and live positively.

“Doing home visits helps me a lot. It means I can share and understand the problem, and be more comfortable with my own status. But I worry about stigma and discrimination. It can be very bad, especially in the immediate family, ‘what is the solution?’ I went to one house to visit a young woman who was sick and her father refused to let me in. Also, what can I do when they are in denial and refuse any kind of counselling or support group? The doctors do not help. My doctor told me I was going to die and I should go back to the Eastern Cape where someone could look after me.

“I was a playboy. When I was 22, I had 10 girlfriends. It was a competition – who could have the most. But this HIV is changing all that. People have fewer girlfriends and use condoms.”