Noma’s Story

“I found out I was HIV+ in 1994 when I tried to join my husband’s health policy. I was rejected and advised to see my doctor. He told me I was HIV+, but when he saw my wedding ring he told me there had probably been a mistake and he would check. But there wasn’t. My husband was tested soon afterwards and he too was found positive. I did not receive any counselling at this stage and did not understand. I did not know about HIV. I thought it could be treated.

“My husband blamed me for infecting him and accused me of cheating. We argued a lot. Then, at Somerset Hospital we were given some counselling and began to understand a little of HIV and how to live with it. We recognised the need to support each other. But it was very hard. My husband was unfaithful a lot and had many girlfriends. He would disappear for weeks and months at a time. He abused me, said that I had cheated on him and threatened to kill me if I told anyone. He didn’t want people to know because he thought it would stop him getting more girlfriends.

“I did not want to tell anyone. I kept quiet. I was in denial. It was a bad time for me. No food, no electricity, no money, nothing. I was alone, depressed, sick. I closed the doors and pretended not to be there. I was in a dark room.
“I got a casual job at the Post Office. My husband came back and took the money. He began to abuse me again. He did everything. If my hair was short you can see the scars on my head where he stabbed me. I reported him to the police, but my husband was a policeman and they took no notice of me. Eventually I went to court, where they listened and my husband was sent to prison for 9 months.

“The job at the post office became permanent. Life was getting better, but I still did not tell anyone. I didn’t want anyone to know, especially in my workplace. But when the Post Office introduced an insurance scheme, I did not go. People began to get suspicious because I also did not donate blood even when they offer you free tea and a biscuit in an hour’s lunch break. Why does Noma not go for the insurance and give blood? They would ask. Then my friend got a job at the Post Office. She knows me well and I knew she would suspect, so I left. I pretended to have a good job elsewhere.

“But I did not have a job to go to. I went home and my husband would beat and abuse me. With no money and no job I turned to a friend who is a social worker and confided in her. She suggested I apply for a job with Child Welfare and with my experience and driving licence I got the job. But just a few months later, I told a colleague I had shingles and she said it could be related to HIV. I was scared they would know, so I left the next day.

“Life was very bad. I was very depressed at home. I had only a half loaf of bread a week from a food parcel. This was not enough. I became very sick. My husband locked me in a dark room with no food and left me there. I was very ill. I had diarrhoea. I had no choice but to use the Hoover as a toilet. It was very bad. But my neighbours heard me banging on the wall and helped me. I had been in there for about 3 days. Then I went to hospital.

“When I came home, I avoided my family and friends. I could not tell them and I wanted to be alone. I went to see the doctor about the shingles. The door was wide open and the receptionist and waiting room full of people could hear what he said. He talked about HIV openly, in front of them. I was very angry. He is not supposed to tell anyone. The receptionist knows me and she told my family. I went to ATICC to complain. How could I sue the doctor? But here I found out about Wola Nani in Khayelitsha. I decided not to sue and concentrate on myself.

“I was very scared of Wola Nani at first. I did not know about the counsellor and support group. I was worried they would tell people I am HIV. But they give you a free cup of coffee and piece of bread. At home each night alone, I would think, ‘I don’t want to go’ but in the morning I would think of the coffee and bread and would go. They would talk about the virus but I didn’t want to talk with them, always giggling and chatting. The counsellor was HIV positive and she didn’t know me. Still I was not sure, but then I found myself thinking each night, ‘tomorrow at Wola Nani, I will be with people I can talk to and who will support me … when I’m there, I know I am free.’ I became friends with the other people and the staff. I felt I belonged. I even became a volunteer and then became a project assistant on the income generation scheme.

“I realised I wanted to disclose my status and help educate others so they could protect themselves. It was 3 years after I had first found out my HIV status. But at first I must divorce my husband. So, one day at the clinic, when it was very crowded and there were many people I said to myself, ‘today is the day. I am sick and tired of hiding this. I need people to support me.’ I publicly told everyone and shared my HIV status with the people there. Under Apartheid I had been an activist and in Khayelitsha people knew me. After my announcement, news quickly spread and the local radio station, Radio Zibonele, asked to interview me. I was ready. I wanted people to know. I wanted them to understand. Protect yourselves. This is how I told my family.
“Then the discrimination began. People would point at me in the street and say ‘you must not go near Noma’s house or you will get HIV.’ At a party I noticed people were very odd with me and I heard someone say ‘be careful, she is spreading the virus in this area … cover your glass so she can’t put blood in your drink.’ My father in law threatened to sue me if I used my married name. And then my nieces and nephews asked me not to use my maiden name so people wouldn’t think they too had HIV. So I became just Noma.

“But now things are different. HIV is everywhere and more accepted. The people, who would not speak to me, now send their children for advice and counselling. I am glad I can help. It is important to educate people so they can protect themselves and they can live well. I am happy now. I have accepted my HIV. Life is good and I am well. I married again in December 2002. (She giggles, embarrassed) I think I am a role model.”