“In 1996, when I was 14 years old, I was living with my mother as my father had passed away. My father’s brother had another house but he stayed with us most of the time.
“I started my periods. I saw the blood. My mother was out so I went next door to my neighbour. She told me ‘you are now grown up’ and I must wash myself. A few days later it was my birthday and my grandmother rang to say I must come and visit her. My mother said my uncle must go with me. On the way he bought some beers and got drunk. I said it was too late to go to my grandmother’s house as it was a long way away. But he got angry with me and said if we did not go my mother would shout at him. He started to beat me and threw me to the ground where he raped me. Then he took me home and put me in front of the door. My mother opened the door and saw me there. She saw that there was blood everywhere and I told her I had been raped. The neighbours wanted to know what was wrong and my mother told them I had had an accident.
“My mother took me to the doctor and they tested me for AIDS. My mother said I might be HIV but I did not know what this meant. I had not heard of HIV or AIDS. I was very young and did not understand. I was told I was positive.
“My uncle wrote a letter to my mother. He said that he could not live with this thing aids and he had heard if he raped a virgin then he would lose the virus. And he killed himself. He covered himself with petrol and burned himself to death.
“My mother died in 1998. She was also HIV. My family live far away. I did not have anyone to go to. I moved in with my Aunt who lives in Cape Town. I got sick and I told her I had HIV and I got raped but she did not believe me. She thought I got it from a boyfriend. I went to Groote Schuur Hospital. They told my Aunt that she must find a place for me to stay as I was very ill and going to die and I only had 4 days to go. So I went to the Sisters of Mercy Hospice in Khayelitsha. I had TB, Meningitis and thrush in my throat so I could not eat. I had sores all over my body. I was there waiting for my day.
“Some volunteers from TAC (Treatment Action Campaign) advised me if I accept my HIV then I can be alright. They said I must go to a support group. I asked 'what is that?' and they explained if I don’t want to be stressed, I must talk. I started TB treatment and I joined Wola Nani. It was nice. They were adults and I was the only young one and they gave me support.
“In 2001 I disclosed my HIV in public. Nomawethu supported me as she knew I was scared. It was at the Night Visual for Youth. There were lots of people. People saw me on TV. After I disclosed, I felt great. I felt strong.
“In April 2002, I started antiretrovirals. I was not sick but my CD4 count was 135. After 3 months they took my blood and my CD4 count was 267 and my viral load was undetected. I was very happy.
“I wanted to disclose to more people to educate others. I started a support group at school on Wednesdays. It is for people who are positive and also negative so they can learn about HIV and AIDS. It is for boys and girls. Then I disclosed at school last year as part of the school aids awareness. I thought, ‘now is my day’. It was great. They didn’t give me a bad attitude. They gave me a hug, ‘you give us strong hope. We can learn at school and help others in our communities.’ At school they give me support. I am the only one disclosed at school. They are very scared.
“The education is important. The youth are dying outside. It is them who are dying. Every time you go to a funeral, it is youth. I’m a youngster. I’m proud of myself. Not HIV, but helping others. At the support group people are having sex. I tell them if you are having sex, you must use a condom. I teach them about the female condom. If your boyfriend doesn’t want to use a condom, then you must do. It’s your life.
“Sometime later, a lady came
up to me and she said, “when I saw you speaking, I feel strong. I too
am HIV and I thought ‘this girl is young. Why should I not feel strong
if she can be HIV and speak out?’”